Friday, April 27, 2012

MetuCon MegaGame! Night Goblins vs Dwarfs Turns 1 - 3

And so the mighty game begins.. each side having spent a good 30-60 minutes setting up, answering questions, and razzing the other side about how they will crush them in the game about to occur!!! This is the account of this legendary battle.. 

Initial deployment.. where the generals take some quick shots of the table

Turn 1 - Goblins:
With the start of the battle.. the Great Black Orc Warboss shouts "Move you gits!!!" To which his own unit is now confused if that means them or others.. so after killing 3 of his retinue, they understood that meant them too. The unit with the BSB Night Goblin in it was confused though, and decided that his unit should "discuss" what the general had said. The rest of the army marches forth to "greet" the dwarfs facing off against them.

To add some excitement to the battle.. one of the Stone Throwers decided to throw live ammunition.. this goes horribly wrong, and the live ammunition decides to destroy the contraption. This spooks the spiders nearby, causing them to run off the board.

Not to be outdone by the stone thrower, the bolt throwers try their luck as well. Lining up some shots to the 2 gyrocopters, they let loose the arrorws of war!!!! And strike not just one, but BOTH gyrocopters within the first round! Much cheer is spread throughout the warmachine crew, and many shouts of anger rise from the dwarfs!

The Great shaman, not to be outdone, pops 1 too many magic mushrooms and gets a bad high.. and proceeds to vomit for the remainder of the turn.. while his colleagues laugh at him, and fail to cast anything themselves..

The rest of the turn ends without incident as this seemed to be enough for us at this time..

The Night Goblin Horde advances upon the Dwarf Entrenchments.. 
A quick, and over-exposed, shot of the infamous Mr. Lee!! After round 1 events.. 

Turn 1 - Dwarfs:
Angered by the death of their Gyrocopters, the Slayers charge forth to kill all that stand before them!!! In their mad rush, they release not 1, not 2, but 6.. yes 6 Fanatics hiding within the larger Hordes perched near them! Although 17 of their kin are caught in the ball and chain choke holds provided from the fanatics, they continue their charge into the Wolf riders!

Not to be outdone, the warriors on the right side of the battle also charge in, releasing 3 fanatics to that side! Only 8 of their kin are removed before they land their charge against the Squig Herd..

With the rest of the battleline barely moving forward, letting the flanks take the initial hits, the artillery steps up to show them how its done.. Letting the Grudge thrower pop off a few wounds to the big bright blue spider, and the organ gunner going and finishing him off.. both teams then sit back and watch as they cause another group of spiders to run off the table, and a horde turn tail and run! On their left flank, the cannon take pot shots at the bouncing squig.. figuring that if they can take it down they can scare the squig herd not far behind.. and with a lucky shot, they succeed in taking it and the rider down! A pint of beer for that Runesmith later on tonight..

The slayers, now fired up after losing so many to the fanatics, beat down upon the Wolf Riders! Routing them, but unable to catch them in their bloodlust.

Not to be outdone, the Dragon Slayer calls over to his mate on the Anvil! "I need more power!!!" to which the thane replies "I'm giving it all I's got matey!!" And with the power of the anvil, hurls the Dragon Slayer into combat against the last remaining Spider unit. However with this mighty push, he was unable to do more than 1 wound, and even suffered one in return. The spiders however remain to fight once more.

The greatsword weilding warriors dig in and take a might 8 causlties from the Squig Herd, hitting back for only 7 in return. Seeing that they are outnumbered, they hold, but begin to fear the might of angry Night Goblin pets..

The Dwarfs, never one to run from a fight, dig in for what could a long fight!

Known for his Heresy.. the Professional BuRock! Still not impressed about the loss of his Gyrocopters it seems.. 

Turn 1 looks to be a mixed bag of goodies at this point.. BuRock looking for more units to have been destroyed, and still mourning the loss of both of his gyrocopters. The fanatics being released as they were causing him no end of problems now, and in the future to come..

Meanwhile Mr. Lee ( that's me for those keeping track at home ) am estatic about the fact that I survived the first round at all! Considering how closely bunched up I am, and obvious deployment issues aside, the game has taken off and is shaping up to be quite dynamic.

Turn 2 - Night Goblins:
HA! Those Dwarfs think that a few deaths will hold us back! Spiders be nothing but cowards anyways.. and that Spider was old.. hence the bright blue hue of his carapace.. so you did us a favor!

Moving onwards, the Warboss shouts "Onwards!!!" to which his motley crew, again confused, begins to squabble.. with a heavy sigh, and a heavier back hand.. Upon seeing some of their comrades die at the hand of the Warboss, the Orc Arrer boys begin to squabble.. sticking to the building that they climbed into last round.

Marching forth, the horde begins to surge forward.. looking for a good fight in the middle of the table even! A giant wanders into the middle of the field looking for easy targets.. or becoming one! While even more fanatics are released to block the next unit of greatsword weilding Dwarf warriors from charging..

Seeing this sudden surge of movement occur, both units rally, ready to face what may come.

The boar boys, deciding to throw caution in the wind, and to provide a bit of a training exercise for their new mounts.. go galloping through the woods.. when their champion, BaRack O'BamYah clears the woods, he sees that the training exercise cleared out 4 of the non worthy riders for him.. leaving him with 5 fellow travellers to go forth and slay dwarfs with..

Seeing all the craziness going on around him, the Great Night Goblin Shaman attempts to cast a mighty hex spell! Though he was only a little bit high from the last mushroom, he pops one more, and gets SUPER HIGH!!!! And begins to vomit once more, until he sees part of what looks like a liver fall out.. not a good sign for his constitution at this point.. and again the rest of his fellow mages decide it best to play it safe, but also fail to cast anything against the strong Dwarf magic defence.

Shooting is more of a public works project for the Goblins.. whereby they look busy, and they try hard, but nothing is accomplished.

Combat sees the Squig herders eat the remaining Rangers, and sally forth to look for more prey. BuRock now has a reason to fear squig herds, and will remember not to take such a large block on in combat without reinforcements.

The Dragon Slayer beats upon the poor Spider Riders once more, killing 2 with his mighty rage.. however while in the middle of a blood curdiling roar, one of the goblins stick him in the belly with a rusty knife.. and the Dragon Slayer dies from infection, while the Spiders run off towards the bolt throwers.. giggling all the way..

The Mighty Warboss sees these actions, and is pleased that his right flank is so secure compared to his left. He then re-focuses on the center, driving the horde forward..

State of affairs after the second Goblin turn.. As you can see.. traffic in Istanbul has nothing to that of the Night Goblin Horde...

The crowd still gathers as the units move forward, and discussion picks up with topics like "Damn those be fine looking Night Goblins.. wish I had an army of those beauties!"

A poor reformation direction of the wolf riders, who were set to receive the second charge from the Slayers!

Look! Mr. Lee cleaned his right flank!!! YAY! He so happy!

Turn 2 - Dwarfs:
Seeing the pure joy flowing through Mr. Lee, BuRock does what BuRock does best.. he brings Mr. Lee back to reality! With the right flank in a false sense of security, BuRock brings out his unit of Minors.. I mean Miners.. the Minors BuRock has kept hidden has nothing to do with this game..

With his ploy revealed, BuRock lets out a mighty roar.. which is followed up by many at the table.. and he declares many charges forward!

Slayers run screaming into the wolf riders, the Dwarfs accept the Night Goblins challenge and charge into them, swinging mighty greatswords..

*Note.. it is at this point that I question the reason of why so many greatswords.. but then we realize I have nets, and the answers become frighteningly clear..*

The rest of the army cautiously move forward, with one unit deliberately taking out a fanatic, but taking no wounds as they prepared for the chained lunitic to hit them. Strange exchanges are made between the Thane and the Spider, before finally the Thane screams out "I killed your mother with a newspaper!" What Spider could resist such a challenge, and so the first chance it would get, it would be coming for that Thane!

The crews of the warmachines, chuffed with their work on big blue, re-align to the giant.. and with a deadly slice of a bolt through its knee, and a cannon to its head, the first giant falls.

The others put some hurt on the Spider, but little comes of it as it is too enraged to feel such pain!

Combat goes according to the dwarfs master plan. Slayers kill the remaining wolfs, and slam into the crew of the Stone Thrower behind them.

The central combat sees 12 goblins dead, with few in return. It is not surprising that with such odds against them, the Night Goblins run, but are cut down in the process. Seeing their success, the Dwarfs press on, and overtake a couple of, now startled, goblin chariots!

With the help of the mighty Anvil, the Miners get tossed into the warmachine hill, and take out a Bolt Thrower, and its crew, before overrunning into another Bolt Thrower sitting behind it.

Things seem to be going well for the Dwarfs..

The dwarf battle-line begins to move.. ancient tomes have foretold of this movement, and future tomes will record that it still is effective!

Pleased with how his plans are going, he gives thanks to his gods of metal.. the only way he knows how.. ROCK ON!

Turn 2 seems to be showing some of the complications with deployment, and how traffic can affect you anywhere in Turkey.. even in wargames! Although it is still early.. both sides feel that they have the upper hand, and continue on with their own battle plans.. It is also at this point that I realize that I don't have a battle plan, and just continue to push things forward :)

Turn 3 - Goblins:
Mr. Lee is not happy with those Miners.. they are causing him no end of trouble, and is looking to deal with them. Size matters, and he bellows down to the Warboss to fix this mess!

With a mighty roar, and a kick to the nearest snotling, he demands respect from the horde! All units decide now is not the time to squabble, and get their fighting faces on..

The Spider is still pissed at the thane for the challenge, and charges blindly through to the unit. The Great Shamans unit wheels and smashes into the dwarf unit against the Chariots, while the other units begin to rally. Putting pressure on the dwarfs right most flank.

Fanatics begin their rolls through the ranks, but to the dismay of the Warboss, they continued to under perform! Either wrapping the chain around their own necks, or running straight into their fellow fanatics! More causulties on the fanatics than dwarfs, to which give a rip roaring laughter to the sight presented to them!

Moving to higher ground, the Warboss heads up the tower, to gain a better view of the battlefield. He is not pleased to see so much of the horde gone already, nor is he happy to see so many stunties still around! He screams at his recent addition of Turkish Goblins, to leave the building, and plan for a charge against those Miners.. He also gets the rest of his units ready to receive or provide cover charges to the dwarfs.. an Orc plan is anything but subtle.. and this one is the least subtle of them all..

Magic.. well.. once again the damn Shaman pops a mushroom from him bag.. Mr. Lee must get him a new dealer as he has yet another bad trip.. this being his third in so many turns.. however thanks to the collective force of the previous ones.. his constitution seems to be doing better.. and the vomiting is kept to a minimum.. and no internal organs spill out.. though the other shamans laugh so hard that they too fail to cast anything.. again..

Shooting saw little effect as the crews were cowering from the combat, or obscured by what few monsters still existed on the field.

Combat saw night goblins falling to the dwarfs, but the chariots losing one of their own. They would run, but the the Night Goblins with their superior numbers would stay! The Warboss made sure of this, by yelling at the git with the huge banner to stay near them, and then making his pressence known to the unit from atop the tower! The Dwarfs then reform to get outside of the forest, and to put a bit of distance between them and the unit to their right.

The miners kill another Bolt Thrower, but instead of carrying on, they turn to face the Turkish Goblins facing their direction.

Not terrible.. but not the best situation to have yet.. 

If this were a ballet.. it could be classified as graceful.. but its not.. and so this is a bloody mess of units.. 
Not as proud of his little green horde any more.. and wondering if maybe he did something wrong.. 

"My Babies!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Cries Mr. Lee as he sees both of his Spider dead beside him.. must have been from the person smoking those death sticks.. damn that person.. 

Turn 3 - Dwarfs:
"Press forward Dwarfs! We have them on the run!" Cries BuRock to his dwarf warriors.. the General punts a shield bearer in the head, and points at the night goblins in front of him. "Charge!"

Taking this as que to respond, the Miners do the same to the Turkish Goblins in front of them.

Rest of the movement saw some re-positioning of units, but nothing spectacular at this point. Dwarfs are too confident in themselves to see their advance falter. And for good reason as they have begun to get the upper hand!

Shooting from their guns, finally sees some damage occur to the unit threatening their comrades, making them route, but not far enough. Artillery takes pot shots at the lone giant left on the table, while the organ gun taking out the last of the Boar Boys.. the shiny gold armor of the champion was not enough to save him from being inducted into the Swiss guard via Organ fire.. so many holes.. so little time..

More shotting from the grudge thrower, and cannons see the Trolls taking an early dirt nap. Flaming attacks are never a good thing for them, and so they fall over burning a slow and agonizing death!

Combat saw some leaps happen as the Miners take down the Turkish Goblins.. shouting things like "Pide is just a cheap version of Italian Pizza" or "Kokorec sucks!".. this angered the Turkish Goblins to a point where they were blinded with rage.. swinging wildly at whatever got in their way.. The dwarfs just sat down until they were exhausted, then pushed one over, and the entire unit of Goblins fell before the dwarfs.. they then began a slow walk past them, giving each a little kick while they walked by..

The other dwarfs in combat with the Night Goblins press their attack, causing many wounds. Even with the power of the BSB, steadfast, and the warboss, they take flight, only to be cut down. The Warboss blames that mushroom eating fool shaman for all this, and vows to kill him again when he sees him next. The dwarfs slam into the side of the BSB hoping for a repeat performance.

The General, impressed by the powers of his troops, engaged the opposing Night Goblin warboss in combat! Challenging him to single combat! But being a dwarf, and having his shield bearers, they all got to attack.. but not without the Night Goblin Warboss laying a massive smack down to the General, causing him a grievace wound before dying to the returning attacks.

Seeing his fellow warboss fall at the hands of a cheating Dwarf ( Single combat means 1 per side.. sheildbearers.. pfff ) he slams his mighty sword through 4 dwarfs. Spuring on his unit to great heights of fury! With only 3 out of 39 attacks missing, the dwarfs lose great numbers to the goblins, and lose the combat!

Although shaky from the ordeal they just encountered, they turned to the general for guidance and moral support! In their hour of need, surely he would protect them? However it was not to be, as the General's wounds were enough to cause him great pain, and the unit ran in fear of the horrible Night Goblin terrors standing in front of them! Only to be cut down as they did so!

The Black Orc Warboss is mighty pleased with this reaction, and looks forward to more of it to come..

Much death, but the horde remains.. we always remain.. 

BuRock and his "mighty" General unit.. 
Turn 3 seems to be a back and forth war.. with the Night Goblins losing units, or being routed throughout the board. However the lose of the General to the Dwarfs could be that nail in the coffin that Mr. Lee was looking for.

It is also at this time, that the discussion to make this into a watch tower scenario is discussed. A third party was consulted at this time, and I was told in no uncertain terms.. no.. and that to ask this again I would receive great bodily harm in forms known only to those with Dress Jackets..

Alkim can be very scary when he wants to be.. but his goatee and glasses look remarkably like my own.. if I wasn't trying to keep from dirtying up my pants in fear of him.. 

And with this seems like a terrible spot to stop the mighty battle report.. which will continue in the next post on Monday.. must be the Turkish side of my environment kicking in now.. as the interludes are usually longer than the content..

Stay tuned.. and see if the death of the Dwarf General is enough to turn the tide of war back for Mr. Lee or if BuRock will take this as motivation to press on harder to ensure victory for his Dwarf Clansmen.. find out.. on Monday!


  1. A brilliant and funny batrep, you must have been taking a lot of notes as the action went on!

  2. Thanks guys.. and yeah.. I had my cell with me and was taking voice recordings of each turn.. but I have to work on them, as it was not as detailed as I would have liked.. thankfully my opponent has the memory of a dwarf and holds the grudges just as long.. so he caught the parts I missed (usually accolades of his)..

  3. Great report! I'm rooting for the goblins! But very distressed the great spiders are out of it so soon. And those poor shamans... I don't like mushrooms either so I can't blame them.

  4. Thanks LF.. I am rooting for them too ;) And I blame second hand smoke from the convention goers on why the Spiders died so quickly.. was pretty disgusting how much smoke was in the hall..

  5. I went to GenCon one year, and was shocked how many people smoke on the street in Indy, and they even still allow it in restaurants- I had forgotten how nasty that was, but in the hall, around the games? That's just horrible and should be unthinkable. And who wants their minis reeking of smoke?

  6. Heh i tried to be even as a third party as possible, what was the final score of my even handedness?

    1. Final score for your "even" help between us was something along the lines of 20 to 5.. in BuRock's favor I might add!!! Was good none the less.. and was scary how similar we look in some photos! Just need a blazer for myself to complete the look!

    2. does quantity equals quality?
      i might wear some high heels to complete the illision of similarity tough...

  7. You know what? I'm still pissed at losing both of the gyrocopters even before they got to move an inch. Dammit :)

    1. Pff Right, cause it made such a difference :p


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